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Why Marriages FailSuccessful relationships involve communication, and an understanding between the parties involved that is based on trust and respect. Many marriages fail for a variety of reasons, and can be a result of miscommunication, misunderstandings, disrespectful treatment over time, or even neglect. A successful marriage requires listening, understanding, and negotiating. It can be treated like any professional relationship where both parties are comfortable sharing thoughts and views, respecting each others differences, and learning how to resolve conflict effectively.
Marriages fail primarily from an inability to communicate. If one partner
shuts down or ceases to share how they think or feel, nothing can be gained for the couple. Listening and understanding one another are critical in developing a relationship. Stagnant relationships can be a result of ignoring each others needs, not being respectful about the other persons thoughts or feelings about a situation, and not willing to work things through. Listening well is a skill, and can help provide a balance in the marriage when motives and ideas are understood and shared between partners respectfully. Using the right tone, body language, and being sincere are all important parts of the equation.
A strong marriage will also be based on unconditional love. This means being able to accept antoher persons feelings or views, and not being frustrated about them. Insulting comments, sarcasm, or displays of anger are ineffective resolutions for conflicting views. Negativity can come back over and over, creating a negative pattern that is difficult to manage or stop on its own. This is where marriage counselors can prove to be a valuable part of the unhappy couples schedule. Disagreements that blow up into full-scale fights need to be acknowledged, thought about, and processed. Running away from the problem or issue at hand does not help the situation either, and its important for both parties to be as mature and responsible as possible.
A strong marriage is also based on acceptance. A marriage can fail when there is not a strong foundation of acceptance on any level. Acceptance of each others views and opinions, acceptance of being wrong once in a while, and acceptance of the importance of the marriage in your life itself. When the marriage is a top priority, it becomes easier to outline what it is that both parties want. If both partners are truly looking for a win-win outcome from the situation, there are plenty of ways and strategies that the conflict can be resolved or negotiated. A successful marriage will take this into account, and will not resort to disrespect or settling for miscommunication after just a few arguments. Instead, accepting the situation and working through it can deter failure.
Married life also takes adjustment. Many marriages fail when both partners are not ready, or they have not grown up enough to handle adult responsibilities. Adjustments also include learning how to live in a shared space, managing finances and decisions together, and how to communicate needs for space and comfort. There are many stages of learning during the adjustment period, and a marriage can fail if these are ignored on a regular basis.
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